People conflicts are some of the more challenging and frustrating obstacles to lead through. They stem from personality conflicts, differing opinions (with passion), opinions on quality … the list could go on.
However, in the workplace, it all too often falls on leadership to bring resolution. It can be frustrating and even draining.
Here are 5 tips that have helped me solve people conflicts and create a win-win scenario:
1.Share the problem. When dealing with conflict between two people, it often feels like you’re caught in the middle as others dump their issues on your desk. Or, because one person constantly comes to you, their problem becomes your problem.
So, what’s the solution? Make the problem a shared problem that the three of you must resolve together. This doesn’t mean putting them in the same room to “talk it out.” You must help them understand the impact their conflict has on the company’s culture and how it drains energy from you and the rest of your team. Here is an example of how you can start the conversation:
“Hey guys, thanks for meeting with me today. I wanted to bring you together to ask for your help. It’s no secret that there have been disagreements between you all, and now those disagreements have started to impact my ability to be successful, too, because it is causing others to be uncomfortable, frustrated, or distracted by the negativity. I know you all don’t like it and don’t want that for anyone… so let’s start by talking about what we all want. I will go first. What I want in the workplace is to be surrounded by people who give me energy and make work as fun as possible…”
2. Know the facts. Conflicts between people are often fueled by emotions. By starting with the facts of a situation, you can remove some of the heat. Different people believe different things, so it is important to know the truth and lead with that truth so there is no debate about things that should not be debated.
3. Deal with the emotions. Because emotions are often the fuel of these situations, you cannot ignore them. However, I’ve learned that you can’t simply say, “How does that make you feel?” You must be specific. Better questions are:
- “Why does that frustrate you?”
- “Why does that make you mad?”
- “Why does that create an emotional response?”
Help them talk through the reason and the reaction, then give the other person the opportunity to react. “Did you know that created this frustration?”
4. Define an action plan. Once all the facts and feelings are on the table, talk through specific actions each person will take to make things better. Be specific and help them verbally commit to these steps to improve the situation.
5. Spend time together in a different format. Coffee, a cold drink, lunch… it doesn’t matter. If they can develop a rapport away from work, they can develop a positive relationship. You may even want to create an agenda to help them start:
- Each of you share your favorite vacation.
- Share a story about how you met your spouse or a funny story about your kids/siblings/parents.
- Share your story about how you started working here.
By creating an environment focused on positivity and personal history, they will form bonds that allow them to communicate better, work through issues… and possibly have a better understanding of why they had the conflict in the first place.
By taking the issue and refusing to bear it alone, you shift the responsibility of resolution from your desk to theirs. Asking for their help is key, and don’t be afraid to say things like, “We owe it to our Team to work through this because it isn’t fair to them to walk on eggshells around you two.” Call out the uncomfortable issues they are causing others to feel so they are conscious of what is happening.
It is our responsibility as leaders to create the best working environment possible. If we avoid the “elephant in the room,” we’ll often be forced to deal with it at the worst time possible.
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